~new haircut~

to those who haven't seen me yet... i've cut my hair... not short, but only a bit of fringe. feedback still ok... ha ha.. but i dun feel ok... cos it's irritating... keep covering half of my vision... but will get used to it soon... haha...

yesterday went ktv with huey... just the 2 of us... realised i sing super out of tune leh... must be long time nv practise... gotta go ktv more often ... ha ha... luckily only huey knows how horrible i am... next time must go somemore!! ha ha... KTV addict..

then Ade and gang bought me a bag for my bday... hee... liked it a lot... thanx...

last nite was chatting abt life wif this sec sch fren of mine... he's qouting Morrie, "gotta upgrade oneself constantly..." i guess it's true... how i need to keep upgrading myself... ah, can't believe he's such a "deep" person... he keeps teasing me, "suaning" me... i have to constantly think of things to "suan" back ... but yah, he's "deep" as well...

i'm just a meanie, bad vainpot... must try to go deeper... i know how to swim, so shouldn't be a problem? (ah well, too crap liao...)

5 min to O level results release... keeping fingers ( and toes) crossed for kelvin...

~Escapade~

i guess iwas really bad... i acted super disinterested when he drove me home tonite. was mumbling my answers, refusing to give any comments, refusing to start on a new topic... and worse of all, i spoke so happily on my hp, and din even hang up all the way till i got cut off by the lift...

i guess ppl will be super pissed off with me after that... there goes my free rides, i know it! one day, i'll regret not being nice to him cos i really need a free ride... maybe i shall force myself to be nice to him, at least till i get my license, if not for myself, maybe for the gd of my frens travelling the same way home to... omigod, i really sound like some super, ugly, bimbotic idiot...

i have a feeling it's gonna be more than "tang yuan" tonite, that's why i got P^3 to tok to me on the way home, so i wun need to talk to him... i am BAD... wat am i afraid of anyway?

~Whiny the poo~

Ever since i got broadband, i've lost all interest in blogging. i dunno why, or maybe it has got nothing to do with broadband... just to do with me?

i feel like such a whiner, on my blogs... all the complaints, frustrations, little bits of happiness once in awhile, all the horrible loneliness, all the tons of homeworks piling up behind me... i dun care, i like to whine, but yet i feel so bad for being a whiner... the ironies of life!

Latest whines:

- haven't been out with P^3 since 1st of Feb... which means it's been 3 wks... which means he's just my "1-mth stand"... oh well, dun expect much from him anyway... u know how horrible it is to bear hope on something that'll never bear fruits? that's why i'm not bearing any hopes for him even till now. u heard Sally Yeh's recent song - ai de ke neng? i truly identify with it... think that's how i feel toward him. but life sure gets boring without going out with him... maybe that' s why i dun feel like blogging, cos i got nothing interesting to share... hmm... nvm, he promised to go out with me next wk, tho i might not be free - weitian's b'day celebrations eh?

- tests after tests, tutorials after tutorials... think soon it'll be near the exams and time sure flies... Argh! hate it!

- why r all the pimples coming out AGAIN? i always experience this after 2 wks of my facial treatment... i really hate the lst wk b4 i really get to do my facial again, but then if i go too often, it'll be so costly!!

- my bday is coming... i'm not looking forward to it... i'm growing old liao... and i think this yr, it's gonna be bad... i dun like to hope much, just like how i hoped this yr would be different, but yet, it's the same to me? only thing is, got to know more new frens, got to know my old frens better? no wish list, nothing that i'm dying to buy, nothing, cos i dun want my bday to come...

Latest Perks(when u really need something to look forward to to get u pass the wk):

- 26th Feb is D-day! our KTV @ Kbox day, just the 2 of us... it's gonna be our miniconcert day.. when we can really spend "quality" time together... ha ha.. just the crazie twosome crazie enough to go singing on a wkday lunch time... it's been such a long time since i went KTVing... miss singing, all frustration stored inside me... i'm gonna burst soon if i dun vent it out soon... thinking of all the new Elva and Fish's songs i'm gonna sing... woohoo!!

- today just went bugis to support Andy Yeo in the Semis for Talentquest... tho he didn't get into the finals, i think he has done his best already... and he sings really well... and we screamed like some crazy fans in his mini-concert, tho he didn't win, we had loads of fun... dinner at some "zhu chao" stall along beach rd, yummy, but a bit the expensive... and Andy insisted to treat... and with hwee shan around, there's never gonna be a moment of dull... btw, still haven't gotten the answer to Andy's "Brainteaser" -- why is Cinderella invented? *ponder ponder*

ah well, tml shall hit the books for my Wed's test... should i go jogging tml morning? getting fat liao...

~Lost in Loneliness~

Tonite (oops, shd be last nite) was the 1st nite after such a long time since i felt lonely... really lonely...

Seems like i often take ppl for granted... every tue and wed are my late nite lecture days, and i often just go home late without worrying abt no companion, even if sometimes me and ade dun talk much on the bus... today ade's not feeling well, and the lecturer released us later than usual as well, and so, i foresee reaching home later, and alone for a longer period of time on the bus...

yup, was feeling quite down for a while, and was secretly hoping that Mr ML AKA Mr Peanut Riceballs (Aud says it's so obiang to give ppl tang yuan) would stay in sch late, so that he can drive me home... maybe i shall not be so mean as to reject his dinner dates so that i can get more free rides? *cheapskate!* i won't do that, cos i don't want to give him the wrong idea anyway... phew, boy was i glad i haven't been out with him...

anyway, did bump into Ron and TY on the 74 so it's not too much as to being alone, but yes it's still lonely... but i guess by the time i reach the busstop outside my house, the feeling has dissipated... i don't think i'm pathetic, i don't think i have the right to feel lonely and alone... maybe i yearn for campanionship, but being alone won't hurt...

remember last yr i did blog abt walking home alone at nite from my tuition kid's hse back? tonite, i got back that kind of feeling...

at night, without a single car on the roads,
when there's no one else on the pedestrian way,
hear the leaves rustling in the wind,
hear my breathe together with my footsteps,
humming along to my favourite song,
thinking abt the events of the day,
thinking about a certain you out there,
wondering when will you walk me home?
wondering when will u share my favourite path?
i don't wanna share a cab with you,
i don't wanna you to drive me home,
i just wanna you to walk me home,
and take my favourite path with me...
and maybe i'll sing you my favourite song
or maybe i'll sing you your favourite song...

yup, i guess my idea of romance has not been met... Silly Pisces gal is here dreaming again... you see how unrealistic i can be?

~Five People You Meet In Heaven~

Who do u want to meet in heaven?

What is ur idea of heaven?

What do u want to be like in heaven?

I just finish reading the book by Mitch Albom last nite... truly inspirational, truly touching... of cos, i would agree that "Tuesdays With Morrie" is certainly more meaningful, but "Five People You Meet In Heaven" is also worth the read... i know i should start studying for my test on Sat, but i just can't resist finishing the book... was reading it since V-day... made my V-day feel much better (also, P^3 said something that made me feel not so lonely on V-day, hee~ nothing much lah, but at least i feel i'm not alone).

1st Lesson
There are no random acts. We are all connected. You can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from a wind.

u know, if u think we can live in solidarity, i guess u're wrong... no man is an island. watever u do will affect some other ppl, somehow, the person might be someone u know, or he/she might even be just some stranger u never know.

and thanx, huey, for recommending the book... maybe i'll get myself a "Tuesdays with Morrie" later... altho ade did ask me whether i want a copy for my b'day? maybe i just can't resist and buy it later to keep for myself? i guess it's really a good book to 'PAss it on'? i shall spread the love, spread the inspiration and make the world a better place! *wow*

i really should start writing my helpsheet for my Sat's test and one on Next Wed, but still... i'm more distracted than ever... as usual...

Going to collect my passport later!! hee~ i'm finally not S'pore-Bound :P my passport is waiting for me to bring it to Australia!! OOOh.... can't wait!

~Song For The Leftovers~

A-camp

"The night is on the edge now
Hanging low against the tide
The world is at it's best now
When the loveless ones collide

It's a long night
A beautiful night
And we're the first leftovers of the night

I'm thinking 'bout the last times
And the people I had to hurt
I wonder why they couldn't touch
And why I never gave it up

You weren't hard to find
You didn't run and hide
We were the first leftovers of the night
Of the night

The silence is a burden
When you don't really want to talk
I'm trying really hard now
To set alight my sleepy heart

We made a pretty sight
It seems we've found some pride
In being the first leftovers of the night
Of the night

And everything is alright now
Everything is alright now
Everything is alright

You're not what I was after
But I'm happy with what I found
To dream of new beginnings
When the end is all around

I think you're alright
You qualify
For being my supernova
It's a gambling life
A lonely strife
But I think we're the best leftovers of the night
Of the night

And everything is alright now
Oh everything is alright now
Everything is alright "

my fren put it on the bulletin on friendster, not bad eh? truly identify with some of the lines...

~Countdown to V-day (and dreading it...)~

Maybe i shouldn't say i'm dreading it, it's just kinda disappointing... oops, no date... ;P next sat's got a test, so i guess it's perfect excuse to stay at home? altho i must admit i'm not such a kiasu person to begin with :P

today just took a test, was amazed at how manageable the qns are... ar well, one down, more to come! argh!! sighz... that's the life a student... life revolves round lecture, tutorials, and tests!! *sobs*

was quite disappointed that i didn't get to meet up with ling for lunch, cos we can't get in touch with ling to fix the venue and time... ling, i really wanted to see u after sooo long, can we meet up soon? how have u been doing? if u ever get to read this...

just got "the 5 ppl u meet in Heaven" from huey today, yupz, can't wait to get started on it... maybe that shall be my V-day reading? hee~

btw, did i tell u i'm confirmed going to Australia this May? hee, can't wait!! the date: 20th May!! oh wow, the 2nd time going travelling with mel and meilin, gonna be fun!! looking forward to it...

My tuition kid, Kel, is off at Melbourne at the moment *envy* off to further his studies... O level results not out yet tho, he promised to email me his results as soon as he gets it, i'm sure he'll be able to do well *keeping fingers crossed*


ar, looks like this entry is full of updates and nothing else... yah, not thinking much lately, not doing much lately... Lame... that's how i'll get when i settle into the sch life... no more wkend dates, no more movie dates, no more clubbing dates... poor thing... *sobs*

~Put down ur burden, at least for a while...~

"How heavy do you think this glass of water is?"

The audience's answers ranged from 20g to 500g.

It does not matter on the absolute weight.

It depends on how long you hold it.

If I hold it for a minute. It is Ok.

If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance.

It is the exact same weight but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

we will not be able to carry on as the burden becoming increasingly heavier.

What you have to do is to put the glass down,

rest for a while before holding it up again."

We have to put down the burden periodically,

so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So before you return home from work tonite, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it back home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders,

let it down for a moment if you can.

Pick it up again later when you have rested.

Life is short.

~Exhausted~

Wat a long day for me... started at 8am for lecture, ended only at 145pm, just rite for me to rush down to town to meet mel and meilin... discussing our travel plans... yupz, looking forward to the aussie trip!! then rushed back to give tuition... yupz, my only student for the time, my super underpaid tuition... i felt exploited... ended my day at 915pm super exhausted...

enough of complaints... tho i've got a string of unhappiness to express, but i guess it's not good to verbalise it all, else i'll feel even worse...

Oh yah, i was just hanging around Borders waiting for meilin to turn up, was browsing thru the books, trying to get a copy of "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom, but i found another new book by him something called the "5 ppl u meet b4 u go to heaven" or sth like dat... hmm... it's abt this man named Eddie on the verge of his death etc ... didn't really read a lot of the book to know wat it's all abt... seems interesting...

and the i saw the book from the movie "Big Fish" (not out yet)... again, i think it's abt death, if i din rem wrongly... oh well, recetly, i have this real grey pessimism about life... thinking about wat if i die tomorrow? wat if there's no tomorrow? argh!! are my expectations abt life too high? such that i feel that life hasn't been gd enough and i'll die with regrets if i die tomorrow? *sobs*

just realise this is the first wk for this yr, i haven't met up with P^3... poor P^3 is rotting at home today, while i rush from place to place... or rather, poor me, i'll rather rot at home than run all over town and home... he wanted to watch the Funkamania at Ngee Ann City tonite, yup, me too... but my tuition kid really needs me as well? might as well, i can't hang out with him too much, even my mum suspects i got bf... which is NOT TRUE!! this is bad...

ok, shall resolve not to go out next sat... sighz~ mel has just got someone asking her out on V-day... everyone but me... well, i gotta hide at home... unless something better comes along to entice me *winks*

~guilt ridden~

i've been taking sooo many ppl for granted... now that too many things are happening, and i keep blaming myself for each and every thing that is closely relate to me and din turn out as well as it shd be...

i'm sorry, yuetling, for not being able to help much when i hand over, for leaving things in a mess sometimes... i guess everyone must've hated me for dumping... sorry hui, for causing u all the trouble nowadays, for not being able to help with watever that's happening...

i'm just a selfish, self-centred, pampered, spoilt brat... don't deserve any pity from anyone, don't deserve anybody to love me... no matter how many "Tuesdays with Morrie" i have read, i won't be able to cleanse my soul. it's just an illusion, that i will change for the better, cos in fact, i'm getting worse and worse as day goes by... degradation process goes on, exponentially increasing, the rate is scary...

somehow, i feel that i haven't been sensitive to other's feelings... i tend to be too direct, or maybe sometimes, i just don't mean for things to come out this way, but it did... it's rather scary, cos if i try to save watever damage i've done, it'll become worse! i guess i'm better off living in a world of my own, where i can bother no one, where i can love or hate noone but myself? i guess i really need to be more antisocial...

~Lost in Translation~

was reading this article on the Straits Times Life section about the movie "Lost in Translation". Suddenly remembered catching the trailer last yr, and it's one of the movies i swear i'll catch once it opens...

"Lost in Translation" is a movie by director Sofia Coppola. In the film, Bill Murray plays Bob, an American movie star who slips guiltily into Tokyo for the big pay-off of appearing in a Japanese whiskey commercial. As he struggles with jet-lag, the mysteries of Jap-glish and shower heads that come up only to his neck, he finds respite in Charlotte, a young fellow-American with intelligent eyes, a gorgeous mouth and has hair cut in bangs. Two strangers "lost" in Japan, seeking solace in each other's company...

Maybe i shall get "lost" somewhere, not for the prospect of meeting some guy to seek solace in, but i just wanna be away ffom all these nonsense in my life! i want to stay in a place where nobody knows me, nobody wants to know me, nobody likes me. i want to be anonymous! i want to start all over again, i want to live life all over agin, but then, my life just keeps going on and on... time keep passing, day by day... as i'm typing this, time is passing as well? Argh...

in the meantime, i shall catch this movie soon :P

p/s: i'm amazed by how fast my mood can change nowadays!

~1 month liao!~

Went for a movie with P^3 on Sat... "Stuck On You"... Hilarious yet touching... not as crappy as i thought it'll turn out to be... Bob and Walt Tenor have always been stuck together, all of their 32 yrs... and one day, they opted for the operation to separate... in order to let each other lead their own preferred life... all along, they've never been separated, never been apart, and one day, when they lived apart, both of them can't get used to it... i can see how much they depended each on other... and i do hope that one day, i'll get to depend on someone for the rest of my life...

Was supposed to be another gal's nite out, but in the end, mel's busy... oh well, at least i get to spend the rest of the nite hanging out with P^3... sometimes, i just wish i was born 1 yr younger... how it'll be perfect for us then... well, i guess i've grown to feel much comfortable with P^3 nowadays... i can't believe i've been hanging out with him every wkend... maybe hanging out with him makes me forget abt everything that's happening to me, in sch, and everything else!! everything that i dun wish to think abt...

yeap, it's been 1 mth since we got to know each other... he reminded me of it, and he even remembered the time we met... one month only, but it feels like i've known him for an eternity! maybe cos i feel so comfortable around him now? the sad thing is, i know it's impossible for us to be together... becos of all our differences... even if i dun mind abt it all, i think he will still think hard abt it... and i am truly depressed by this... it seems so close, yet so far... i really can't fall in love with u, but yet i felt so much like it... that kind of feeling? argh... i hate it...

then u'll ask me how i felt abt the guy (not P^3 lah) who popped the qn at me last wk? i really don't know anymore... somehow i felt that he waited too long... maybe i'm the type who does things on the impulse... it's either then or never? i don't know, somehow, that problem no longer bugs me as much as the way things are turning out now... didn't hear from him anymore after that fateful day... and i'm no longer sure wat kind of answer to give him anymore... huey told me to think of who's been on my mind more... P^3 or the other guy? i... i know the answer to this now... yet i don't want to accept it, i don't think anything can go on too... but yes, i do know the answer, huey... i just don't want to face it...

why do i seem to be running? running after things i can't catch, and running away from things i don't want to catch up with me? i'm like stuck in the middle of the journey, the end is too far, yet the starting point is equally far... argh!! how long do i get to reach the end? or do i really have to start all over again at the starting pt? *ponder ponder*

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