Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Wat is more demoralising? going onto icq and finding noone online to chat with? or going online and finding the list of ppl online is rather long, and yet u don't think u have anything to say to them, or just don't wanna make the 1st move to say "hi"? sometimes, i just lose faith in friendships (no, not only online friends)... yeah, so sometimes i do not want my presence to be felt by putting invisible instead...
recently been hooked on to friendster... i can check out the friendster every nite, and not get tired, sometimes i'll write testimonials for my friends, sometimes i'll search for longlost frens to add onto my list, sometimes i'll just approve my testimonials ppl write for me... looking thru the testimonials, i think they make me rather happy, and i guess that's wat frens are for, but when u think thru it... actually, true, wat they have written is true, but wat abt my bad pts? nobody dares write abt my bad pts... i can't believe i'm just good... i mean yeah i can be a good company, hardworking, nice(?), good-natured, quiet and demure... but i can be very irritating, very whiny, very persistent in things that are not good for me, lazy, try to "siam" things that i need to complete ie irresponsible sometimes... the testimonials does bring ur spirits up, to remind u that actually ur frens do rem u, but i guess it's really a biased interpretation of who i really am?
if i really am so good, why am i feeling so lonely every now and then? even now? when i'm online and nobody msg me... sometimes if i don't feel like chatting, i'll just not log in to my icq, but if i'm online, most prob i wanna chat or someone i wanna chat with is online, but of cos, i won't ever make the first move if i don't feel like it, just like now... so rite now, nobody is chatting with me too... oh well, i'm falling into my "loneliness" mode again... this is not good... but i guess i feel extremely lonely when the exams are nearing and everyone else is bz making the final touches for their projects, everyone esle is in the " don't bother me" mode...
and yeap, no mood for haikus today...
"don't mess with me"
| posted by clouds at 12:02 AM
