Monday, September 01, 2003
just when i was rejoicing about not having any more cca commitments, suddenly, i'm thrown into this scenario whereby everyone is enjoying each other's company and i'm just one lonely soul out there?
things are turning quite boring around here... yeah, suddenly, i seem to lose interest in going out, lose interest in talking to ken... has the novelty run out? so soon? and i dun feel anything anymore when i see his sms, i mean i won't smile unknowingly when i read his msg... no longer feel the warmth in his msg... maybe it's no longer warm? cos it's like so scarce these days... i think he also feels the novelty running out? and i know he just treats me as a friend, maybe that's how i treat him too? i think i know wat it all means... theory by a guy friend (dun wanna quote who) : " if anything is to start, it'll start very soon.. .if not, then nothing's gonna happen..." i guess i know wat it means now... nvm, i'm quite glad i can be friends with him... maybe i was smitten by his caringness during my most depressed... that's why i felt my heart flutter the other time... i should be more objective... not let feelings rule my heart... yeah, easy to say, hard to do...
loneliness... i'm not too afraid of it... i've been thru worst... like the other time, staying in the hostel... but i still feel the same when i'm at home... sometimes i hate it to be so noisy at home, with the tv perpetually on, my sis perpetually at her stubborn, gets-wat-she-wants self... it's hard to feel warmth around here, maybe except for my mum's once a week homecooked meal... i think i still feel super lonely when it gets late in the night and i'm actually either doing my hmwk or online? i hate the long and lonely nights when i dun feel like switching on my comp and dun feel like doing any revisions... ah well, life is such a gloomy phase...
| posted by clouds at 10:09 PM
