Sunday, August 29, 2004
haiz.. dunno wat's with me recently.. been overstressed or wat issit?
u know the past few days i cried so much.. i feel sick and silly at the same time.. i'm starting to feel the strain bah.. whenever dear ask me why, i just can't help but burst into tears, cos i can't cope with my work.. family, work, tuitions, friendship, computers.. everything just comes crashing, everyone screaming for u to pay some attention to.. i just dunno where to go, wat to do in face of so much things!! i just broke down..
somehow i just wish to go away, do nothing, stare at the clear blue skies, watching the clouds go by.. letting the day go by, with nothing to worry about. yet i know i can't afford the time.
last nite i had a horrible hammie dream again.. rem me blogging abt the time i dreamt that a lot of hamsters running out of the cage, i can't control? this time round it's about my 1 and only hammie left in the cage.
u know, a couple of months ago i discovered my hammie has got exposed skin on his left ear. then after asking huey wat it's abt.. and she said most probably a tumour growing on his left ear.. so she asked me to take good care of my hammie, give him lotsa green veg, and fresh fruit to eat, shower it with love, care and concerm. poor hammie, still going strong, still as active as before, still running on the "creaking" wheel.. hee, i think the wheel gonna collaspe before he does.. anyway, did contemplate taking it to the vet, but i guess it's abt time for my hammie bah, average life for hammie is about 2 yrs, and my hammie has survived 20 months to date. so i guess, dear hammie is going off soon bah? so guess i'll just keep it with me till it goes..
back to the horrible dream.. i dreamt of hammie growing bigger and bigger, and kept struggling when my daddy handling it, trying to feed it, trying to hold it still.. i felt so heart broken seeing it resist so much, i even asked: " hen3 tong4 ku3 shi4 ma1? (u're in pain issit?)"i was quite shocked that came out of my mouth in my dream. so, that was wat i've been feeling all along, deep in my heart. i was very, very sad, woke up feeling the same way too.. am i such a failure? 1st hammie barely lasted 1 yr, i dunno wat it died of too.. 2nd surviving hammie in pain now, with the tumour, rendering the right cheek of it dented slightly. i really shd've been a better master? how? how? i did my best..
i hate school!! not enough time to even catch u with current work.. and wat am i doing now? lamenting and wasting time, AGAIN!! :( i hate to do work...
back to school tml... dratz!
| posted by clouds at 9:09 PM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
swing swing swing
i want to feel the wind blowing hard against my face
i want the wind to blow my troubles and tears away
i want to feel carefree and far away
bring me away from the hustle and bustle of life,
away from the darkening sky
let others do the wild rat race,
while i sit down and sip a cup of tea.
let them run on the wheel,
let them run round and round the endless treadmill
just leave me out of it, away from the material pursue
i want to fly high into the sky,
with the strong rays of the sun,
and the high breeze blowing my hair.
please bring me away, away from the endless struggle.
| posted by clouds at 11:48 PM
Monday, August 23, 2004
Today is 2 of my best pals' birthday! HAppy birthday to huey and ling!! hee.. and believe it or not? they're best of friends since pri sch!! hee.. so envious.. wish both of ur friendship continue to go strong, and then we'll still keep in contact till the end of times??
sorry, been too busy ever since sch started to hang out much with the both of u.. well, the frustrating lappie i haf down here didn't allow me to watch webcast from home!! sickening.. i think i'll go to sch one of these days to watch the webcast that's suppose to happen now!! haiz.. my self-declared free day will soon not be too free bah?? sighz.. so i was instructed to take a breather and do other things.. hee..
yah, intended to catch up with tutorials and readings today, but to no avail.. maths is just too tough!! i can't really think of a way to do the questions, even with all the notes in front of me!! that's the problem with level 4000 mod?? complaints complaints...
oh yah, i must congratulate my dear for getting 6th in the chess competition he took part in during the past 2 days.. sorry me didn't go support u.. if not u'll get within top 3?? hee.. oh well, since u didn't prepare much for ur competition, yet able to get in 6th, it's really a great feat!! well done dear!!
and guess wat? today's 5th month for us!! we've come a long way, and we've along way ahead of us, let's work towards it ok? sorry me not meeting u today.. but i'll make up for it tml k??
in my 200th entry in my blog, i'd like to shout out: "HAppy 5th Month Anniversary!"
| posted by clouds at 1:00 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
really a pigging out day yesterday.. hee.. even with the drizzle, it didn't dampen our enthusiasm for swensen's ice cream-- huey must be thinking, "AGAIN??" haha.. yah.. went for holland v for swensen's topless 5 @ $1.39+++, yum yum.. (those interested must go soon, offer ending soon, and only valid till b4 5pm)
1 pair of silly "tall-and-short" couple, queued behind the a whole horde of jc and sec students... haha.. waited quite some time for seats.. hee.. but the shortie made a wrong choice in all my 5 flavours, oops... not that it's not nice, or maybe it's just that she can't finish a topless 5 alone? haiz..
then hang around holland v again... went BK to sit and talk.. i feel so talkative!! think i get more talkative with more food.. oops.. big-mouthed??
yah yah, lotsa vengeance to talk abt, lotsa steam to let off... haiz.. glad for the time off from schwork last nite... thanx for the simple and wonderful day yesterday... u're the best!
| posted by clouds at 11:03 AM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
do u view friendship in this way? like how much this person is worth for ur attention, ur commitment, ur concern? i hate it this way. friendship shouldn't be giving how much u think ur friend would commit rite? somehow, i would feel that if u really treat someone as ur friend, someone whom u can share secrets with, someone whom u can talk about ur innermost feelings with, then that shouldn't be even in ur consideration rite?
but maybe i'm wrong... there're actually pple who feels that friends are only for lending homework to copy, asking ur help when they're stuck, sucking on ur gossips when they're bored, and asking u out only when she's bored and noone else she can find to go out with? this is terribly wrong!
some will say that i'm being too accomodating, letting ppl take advantage of me, and being not a gd judge of frens. initially i felt that being frens, i do not require any reward, anything in return from that person. that is wat i always thought it will be, but it's not! i mean i thought our friendship would be one that both of us make an effort to keep in contact, to help each other in times of need... it must happen in both ways!! i mean i can't possibly keep being gd to her without she helping me just a teeny weeny bit??
i'm not being calculative here, but i really just feel quite betrayed, when something as simple as passing me a book from one friend to me can be rejected, and ask me to do it on my own. i mean, if i were in her shoes, i'll gladly help. and she needs conditions to help me!! wat a joke! i need to be v convenient for her, i need to pick up her calls (when i'm giving tuition!!)... i mean so that's how much she values me as her friend??
i'm not typing this in fury, just felt sad that what i've been putting in in this friendship is not getting a v nice reciprocation. i mean, i really dun expect her to help me if it's going to be a v heavy book, if she lives faraway... and come to think of it, i really got tired having to accomodate to her meeting times (only she can be late, i can't!), having to accomodate for her moods (if she dun feel like gg out, if it's raining, then dun go out!), and her not suggesting to meet up with me, always i taking the initiative... i think i got the message. that i'm no longer of use to her, she no longer needs me to help her in her assignments, no longer needs me to help her zap notes... so i better get lost? out of her life? well, at least not abruptly. just gradually... yes, v gradually.. i mean i hate smsing her how she's doing and she doesn't really volunteers much of herself, other than say she's fine? i feel like i'm a irritating nosey parker..
well, i hate this feeling, of another friend going away, out of my life. but well, when the milk has turned bad, u really can't drink it anymore.. it's a matter of keeping it in the fridge until u can't stand it then u dump it, when u feel lazy to handle these dirty matters, or just dump it straight out! well, i guess im lazy to deal with anything like that for the moment, so i'll chill it...
| posted by clouds at 12:34 AM
Monday, August 16, 2004
sorry for the long absence... i guess i'll still be absent for quite some time.. sighz..
i hate technolgy!! i hate it when it shuts down for no reason, or say that it cannot detect any harddisk.. madness!!
i feel so silly for crying when i thot my comp has crashed -- AGAIN.. then later dunno why it can be turned on again... stupid lousy technology!!
sorry for all the complaints and no constructive thoughts.. dun feel like using technology.. haha..
| posted by clouds at 11:00 AM
Friday, August 06, 2004
today's such a wonderful day! met Mel for lunch and went collect a Biotherm Starter kit from Cleo Mag. Coincidentally, Mel's working at the same company as an intern, and she brought me Aug's Cleo (tho i bought it liao :() and Harper's Bazaar! hee.. more readings before school starts. *rubs my hands*
then i went to Tangs Sales at Suntec exhibition hall to shop.. boy was it a fruitful trip! i bought a nice slinky black dress which dear and mum both commented it is v pretty.. yup, pretty, sexy, not-too-revealing, flattering for my figure (at least not too body hugging to reveal my tummy).. it must've fitted fine.. i tried it on, queued thrice for the fitting room k? and then i also found a short black skirt, v feminine, v fine draping material.. and i'm v v happy with my buys (cos it's quite worth it for the price)... tho i doubt i have much chance to wear my black dress.. hmm.. unless i go for a candlelight dinner? or some nice party at some ballroom... dream on bah! haha..
later met dear and his jie meis at bishan... poor dear had sakae sushi buffet.. looks stuffed ( not fatter tho?) .. it feels great to see him, after 1 day of absence.. :P and then i modelled my buys for him when he sent me home.. nice rite??
tml we're going for Sakae Buffet too, dear u not too stuffed? or sick of it? i promise i won't make u eat raw fish roe this time.. haha..
happy day! with shoppings!! tho a bit guilty spending so much at one go.. but still v satisfied.. ;)
| posted by clouds at 11:04 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Love is a complex emotion, but most of us agree that it requires trust, respect, communication, communication and communication. Now that you've met someone online and actually said, "I love you," it's time to make your love real. Use these ten secrets to make your relationship last.
1. Keep on courting.Whatever you did to win your partner is worth repeating. Don't take love for granted. Continue with flowers, candy and thoughtful messages declaring, "I'm thinking of you," and "I miss you." The sum of all these little things will be greater than its parts.
2. Share responsibilities and control.Both of you should plan and arrange your dates. Resist the constricting roles of leader-follower, host-guest and driver-passenger. Romance requires energy and enthusiasm from both of you.
3. Focus on common interests.Work and responsibilities have a tendency to take over our personal lives. Remember to make time for the activities you both enjoy. This requires thoughtful planning in advance if you're going to attend that important concert or sports event.
4. Allow for separate interests.Participate in at least one non-professional activity that doesn't involve your partner. You can't be together 24/7, and everyone needs a hobby. It may seem odd to schedule time apart, but even short absences make the heart grow fonder.
5. Learn something new together.Take lessons, enroll in a class or participate in an endeavor that involves something altogether new to both of you. Maybe it's skydiving or painting or learning to dance. The point is to combine two pasts into a single present and a united future.
6. Establish traditions.Eat the same special meal each month to celebrate the day you met. Email each other at the same time each day. Make Saturday's your night. The goal is to create moments that are meaningful to you as a couple.
7. Write and send love notes.Handwritten letters are infinitely more romantic than store-bought cards. Expressing what's in your heart is more important than being poetic, so don't panic. If your handwriting sucks, hire a calligrapher. If you're creative, include a poem or a song.
8. Make your time together quality time.The trick is to be in tune with your partner. You don't have to be psychic. Just be observant, attentive and a good listener. A relationship means sharing joys and concerns - even when you don't cause them. And if your partner needs to let off steam, your empathy is what matters. You don't need to offer a solution.
9. Stay fit.Practice good health. Your body is important for romance. Take care of it.
10. Talk to each other.Romantic fires keep burning with the sparks that come from communication, communication and more communication.
| posted by clouds at 4:08 PM
