Sunday, August 29, 2004
haiz.. dunno wat's with me recently.. been overstressed or wat issit?
u know the past few days i cried so much.. i feel sick and silly at the same time.. i'm starting to feel the strain bah.. whenever dear ask me why, i just can't help but burst into tears, cos i can't cope with my work.. family, work, tuitions, friendship, computers.. everything just comes crashing, everyone screaming for u to pay some attention to.. i just dunno where to go, wat to do in face of so much things!! i just broke down..
somehow i just wish to go away, do nothing, stare at the clear blue skies, watching the clouds go by.. letting the day go by, with nothing to worry about. yet i know i can't afford the time.
last nite i had a horrible hammie dream again.. rem me blogging abt the time i dreamt that a lot of hamsters running out of the cage, i can't control? this time round it's about my 1 and only hammie left in the cage.
u know, a couple of months ago i discovered my hammie has got exposed skin on his left ear. then after asking huey wat it's abt.. and she said most probably a tumour growing on his left ear.. so she asked me to take good care of my hammie, give him lotsa green veg, and fresh fruit to eat, shower it with love, care and concerm. poor hammie, still going strong, still as active as before, still running on the "creaking" wheel.. hee, i think the wheel gonna collaspe before he does.. anyway, did contemplate taking it to the vet, but i guess it's abt time for my hammie bah, average life for hammie is about 2 yrs, and my hammie has survived 20 months to date. so i guess, dear hammie is going off soon bah? so guess i'll just keep it with me till it goes..
back to the horrible dream.. i dreamt of hammie growing bigger and bigger, and kept struggling when my daddy handling it, trying to feed it, trying to hold it still.. i felt so heart broken seeing it resist so much, i even asked: " hen3 tong4 ku3 shi4 ma1? (u're in pain issit?)"i was quite shocked that came out of my mouth in my dream. so, that was wat i've been feeling all along, deep in my heart. i was very, very sad, woke up feeling the same way too.. am i such a failure? 1st hammie barely lasted 1 yr, i dunno wat it died of too.. 2nd surviving hammie in pain now, with the tumour, rendering the right cheek of it dented slightly. i really shd've been a better master? how? how? i did my best..
i hate school!! not enough time to even catch u with current work.. and wat am i doing now? lamenting and wasting time, AGAIN!! :( i hate to do work...
back to school tml... dratz!
| posted by clouds at 9:09 PM
