Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Yesterday i failed my driving test... *sobs* such a pity, such a waste! u know, i mounted the curb!! but i was doing fine all along, the route was the easiest, the traffic condition was not bad... but only the curbs have got something against me... haiz... could've driven before 2003 ends... just by that wee bit of margin!! Arghz!!
i'm actually feeling quite fine yesterday... i mean not as depressed as wat i think i should've felt... hey cos i'm gonna waste a lot of $$ on driving leh!! but then sometimes there's always something that can make u feel much better... so i will think of something that made me feel better... this time, the driving failure is not as bad cos i'm actually quite glad that i did well on the roads.. the circuit is just too restrictive... so maybe i'm good!! ha ha...
u know, i should've felt upset that i got B- for my MA 3233, but i'm not... cos i got to see him on the day of the paper... i got to see him and reminded myself of him... and then made me go crazy over him for the next few days.. can't forget his smile... reminded me that the 1,000 kW smile is v impt to look for in a guy... so hey guys, remember to flash me ur 1,000 kW smile... make my heart melt, make me go crazy over u for the next few days... ha ha... no, i dun think it's that easy... i just think my expectations might be too high, or i may just be too indifferent to these kind of things...
sighz... u know how horrible the feeling is? that ppl are actually interested in me? and of cos the guys interested in me are usually those i dun like? seriously, i'm not attractive, i feel that i'm a bit irritating at times... i hate to see ppl attracted to this kind of gal like me? arghZ!! i am troubled... how do i shake off these kind of guys? let those i like or admire like me as well? it's soo hard!! there always isn't "a double coincidence of wants"... i do blame myself for that sometimes... u know, i didn't realise that i can flirt... i mean, my fren who knew me from sec sch just exclaimed the other day on icq that "u flirt!!" when i was just jokingly asking him did he miss me aft not icqing for sooo long? maybe my flirting is doing some harm to me now, i shall restrain a bit... but seriously, i dun think there's anything wrong with it, other than u all might vomit cos i'm not attractive at all!! ha ha... i think this entry of mine is "vomit-inducing", sorry for causing any discomfort...
i'm going bonkers!! must be the absence of dear old ken that puts thing in disorder... how i yearn to hear his voice now... he's always a gd alternative to any other guys' voice... sigh... i do miss him as a confidante... u know how sometimes, u just miss a person altho most of the time u dun see him? i guess i always treat him as a spare tire... some guy to go out with when i have no one, some guy to go out with when some other guy i dun like ask me out... argh, i guess now my spare tire went back to US to recharge, i'm left running on my own... yeah, of cos i dun need to go out with any guy that asks me out... but i hate the thought of me being so undesirable, yet ppl makes me feel so desirable!! damn confusing eh? i am confused now!
i'm glad i'm gonna be away to seek refuge at meilin's hse tml nite... some time for me to be away from this cyberworld, away from this insane, confusing sanity... let the loud music blast away my unhappiness... let me spend my 1st new year's eve away from home... i just wish i am not feeling wat i'm feeling now...
| posted by clouds at 11:34 PM
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yoyo had this to say:
Dear Sir,
do you still have any math notes from NUS? especially lvl 3000 and above?
I am math undergrad majoring in pure math.. currently struggling a bit with the syllabus, would like to study in advance.
Do you mind emailing some of them to me at yodogyo@gmail.com?
I would also love to take a look at your honours thesis, to learn from it.
Thank you very much.
