Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Somehow, i just hate holidays... i mean public holidays... it's always a break from school alrite (of cos not in the case of x'mas) but i feel extremely lonely on holidays... yup... today is D-day for me too... been binging a bit too horribly today... i feel so fat... my face is blowing up, my waistline is expanding, i can just feel it... i hate it when i feel unhappy, i hate it when i dun control my diet... i simply feel really unattractive!
no amount of smses i send can soothe my nerves, can make me feel christmasy at the moment... it's not fun at all... Silent nite? Bullshit! wat's silent nite when u hear ur sis bickering over which tv channel to watch? wat's silent nite when the tv in the living room is not even functioning well? i really wonder why they need to fight for the tv, i mean, it's sooo YELLOWISH ( i think the blue tube in it is spoilt)! such an irony... no, should be ironies of life... well, ironies do make life a wee bit more interesting...
there's just one thing i sure am glad for... tml there wouldn't be any driving lessons... phew... all the driving lessons are wearing me down... mentally, and physically... altho i hope so much i'll pass my driving test on my 1st attempt, i guess i'm still not up to it... i hate this kind of feeling... knowing that u'll fail at the 1st attempt, and yet u have to do it... i guess it's the fear of failure, fear of disappointment that simply drags u down... been thru lotsa downs in life, and everytime, u'll just wish that u could've done just a wee bit better, performed a wee bit better than others... maybe then u'll succeed on 1st attempt. neverthess, the regret never fails to bring us down...
here i am again, my confidence is swayed. once again, i come to this point when i start hating myself, start having regrets... feeling all down... i guess i tend to think too much when i'm alone. and ever, i feel ever so alone now... maybe a msg from him helps, maybe i call from him helps... but no, he won't ever msg, he won't ever call... ciaos! i'm not gonna talk abt him from tml onwards... i'm not gonna hope for anything from tml onwards... maybe i won't wallow in so much self-pity as i am now...
| posted by clouds at 8:30 PM
