Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I caught "Love Actually" yesterday at the cinemas, it is such a heart-warming show. Love is all around I guess, just sometimes, what is not meant to be will never be urs. I liked part where the guy falls in love with his bestfriend's wife. Yet, he suppressed his love for the girl, cos he truly cherish the friendship he has with his friend. He's sooo sweet, dropping by just to say "merry x'mas" to the gal he loved so much. He din expect anything in return, he just wanted her to be happy. Din want to hurt the friendship with his bestfriend. It’s so touching. If I were him, I guess I'll move away, not see the best friend and his wife anymore. It's too painful not to, dun u think? To see the person u like be with someone, especially when that someone turns out to be ur best friend.
X'mas is a season for loving and giving. For once tho, I felt like being selfish, and wanted more than I can bargain for. I want everyone to love me, I want everyone to be with me, I dun wanna feel lonely. Yes, I know I'm selfish, but let me be selfish for once? Or am I always so self-centred? Maybe I am. That's why I can never be satisfied with the things I already have, and always ask for more.
Well, no matter wat, I just hope I will not be disappointed again and again. I missed out too much in life. I have too high expectations of myself as well as others. Maybe that's why I am never satisfied. Life is indeed too tiring this way, isn't it?
Yesterday I went to the temple with Peifang. I remembered the last time I went to pray for something like "Let Leo fall for me, (tho at that time and I still do seriously think he's not the ONE for me)" so shortly after that the whole episode of me hating the guts of him popped up. I guess Guan Yin must've known that he is a total jerk, not suitable for me. And I do thank God for that. This time I prayed for the health of my mum, for my family's health, as well as to let HS fall for me. Ha ha, I'm still as gullible as ever. But well, if anything really happens, that’s heaven's will. If not, I guess he's still not the ONE?
Well, frankly speaking, I do not believe too much in these religious things. Going to the temple is when I accompany someone, not on my own accord. I guess I'm not the faithful type. I'm so sorry to say that. Faith doesn't come easily, especially since I believe too much in myself sometimes. Academically, I feel that I am able to cope well. Maybe things did not go out of hand too much for me to need to believe in other things other than myself. I guess I might be proven wrong one of these days, but I do hope I will not be. Well, u never know.
Somehow, I feel the need to give myself a deadline for everything. Yeap, so I gave myself up to this Christmas before I forget about HS. I can't go on like this. Thinking about things that never come true.
| posted by clouds at 11:13 PM
