Saturday, June 28, 2003
I'm fooled, totally fooled!! To think that we're all in the dark, or perhaps, it's just me? Am i the only one in the dark? Remaining unaffected, untarnished? i would hope to acheive that, but i can't... I've made mistakes, mistakes i can't forgive myself... even if people are willing to forgive me about.
Why are there these kind of people in the world? Who make use of people to achieve their means? i hate to think about it, i hate to find out that i've been fooled, fooled thoroughly, and there's no way i'm gonna get my revenge... no matter how much i convince myself to stop harping on it, to remain ignorant, i insisted on checking out his website to see more updates... and i'm totally pissed at myself! really should've slapped myself! to find out that i might only be part of his plot ( to do what? )....
I really hate myself for being so ignorant and thinking that i had it all under control, yet everything is falling out of hand, my life, my friendships, my relationships, my dietplans... Argh! no matter how i swear i'll never be fooled, i am thoroughly fooled!! there is nobody i can trust in the world, everyone wears a mask, and just when i thought i have seen their true colours, i'm totally worng about that too! who can i believe, who do i want to believe? what do i really want?
Sometimes, people say that as long as they do not find out that they are cheated, they would feel better. especially gals say that they don't mind being fooled as long as they do not find out that they are fooled... That's real stupid! but will u be happier? i would think so, but that's really foolish, really STUPID!
who can i really trust? i'm lost now...
| posted by clouds at 11:15 PM
I enjoy swimming, just mastered swimming... it's a really good way to keep fit, though i don't like to get dark... well, what should i choose? do i want to be tan and trim? or fair and fat? of cos the former!!
Super dreamy, always immersed in my own world of fantasy. Always ready for romance to bump into me... will wonder at the slightest signs, and believe a lot in horoscope...
just went Kinokuniya the other day, and flipped thru my favourite book on relationships, and found out that we're the worst in love... and i thought pisces and cancer, or pisces and taurus make a good couple? guess this horoscope thingie sometime really confuses me, nevertheless, this book on relationship really is much better than those horoscope websites...
Should i get myself a nicer name? Does Yoko sounds nice? It means Ocean Child...
SleepyZZzzz....
| posted by clouds at 1:53 AM
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
I've been wondering the past few days, who actually reads my blogs? and can someone tell me whether they can read the things i've written in chinese? hmm... Nevermind, will try to translate it soon so that you all will get to read it, but since i've only just started blogging, please spare me from intricate designs, (un)interesting phrases, witty quips...
hmm.. thinking of adding a tagbox, thinking of adding more links... thinking of sharing my blogspot with friends, but do i really want them to see it? if they really do see it, would i dare bare all my feelings on this cyberspace ever again? hmm...
fine, just let it be... whoever comes across will read it, i won't go publicise it or anything... i'll still reveal my darkest feelings and deepest thoughts, SOON... Argh! still can't get past my mental hurdle... can't release my soul, not just yet...
| posted by clouds at 11:58 AM
Friday, June 20, 2003
明知道你只是我生活中的过客吧?
我却被你着了迷?
好可笑, 不完全是你的或我的错,
可能是我太主动了吧?
你觉得我太投怀送抱?
也许是我的错吧?
那么你为何要隐瞒事实?
心中的疑问越来越多,
我离你的距离越来越远…
再见吧, 我庆幸自己还没真正动了感情….
明天是否会让我再见到你?
世界真小…
| posted by clouds at 11:49 PM
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Extremely disappointed with myself today... Played someone out on a dinner date, cos i chickened out at the last minute... I was feeling extremely low morale today, saw photographs taken of him, i was in some of them too... I really can't forgive myself for even thinking about him in the least romantic sense... I must be blinded by all the "sweet" things that he did... When i snap out of it, and think about it more carefully, i realised that i've been shortchanged... he's not cute or anything, he's just a superbly, egoistic, "think-he's-so-great "jerk! Maybe i'm attracted to him by how he has got a career of his own, a future that looks so promising *argh! he still keeps coming on and offline from icq! distracting*, sometimes i just want to open up to him more...
Boy, am i glad i haven't told him my darkest secret, or my wildest dreams. I haven't fallen head over heels for him, neither am i losing sleep over him... i just don't know how to face the world now that i've been "dumped" (used the word "dumped" cos we're technically not together) when he said that he's breaking contact totally from me, and when everyone thinks something is going on between us *seriously, i dunno how everyone thinks, and i dunno whether he has proudly declared that he has "dumped" me* The reason? anyone interseted to know? Cos "Angel" is jealous that i've been going out with him too often. Angel has never been in any of the conversations we shared till the day he messaged me, at 0135, telling me that he's breaking ALL contacts from me? I mean i knew about the existence of Angel, but he should have said that he still likes her and everything, and i can just go out with him on the basis as a friend? Now, he's making everything so absolute, i really can't believe i lost a friend just overnite! not knowing whether the reason he gave was really the truth...
I was feeling rather down last week, so i agreed haphazardly for dinner with this icq friend whom i've never met before, but sounded real desperate after knowing him online for about 1 year. Today, i realised how stupid i am, that i don't need any tom, dick and harry to be my boyfriend... I'm just sorry to play him out, almost close to using him as a tool to forget how disgraceful i've been... Or should he be the one feeling disgraced? cos he's the one making use of me?
Anyway, these are just outdated news i guess... I'm now enjoying singlehood more than ever, with ocassional dates with guys, who can treat me nicely as a gal... And i've suddenly starting to enjoy flirting with guys... Not all things are absolute, that's wat i've learnt... Life goes on, for better or for worse... I've changed, really changed...
| posted by clouds at 11:48 PM
Monday, June 16, 2003
| posted by clouds at 4:08 PM
