Saturday, December 31, 2005
It's gonna be the new yr in less than 20 min time! im not too excited abt it tho.. cos 2006 is starting = school is starting and given such limited time to prepare so much things (cos i have got 31 periods per wk -- max at 35 periods!!) sigh..
I always harbour the deep thot of leaving it all. leaving here to go overseas to study. get a scholarship and study, study, study.. but its 1 big step im not ready to make. cos i hate changes.. somehow i wish i can be more courageous to be more proactive in seeking this route. i guess i will not be doing this anymore. unless im left with noone in the end. that will be the day i will leave this place and stay on my own somewhere where nobody knows me..
why am i feeling so negative now?? i dun understand.. everytime when i feel let down, or when i feel that i've let down on myself and others, this thot of escaping comes along. swallows me up like a black hole and throws me down from the top of the world.
being at home on new yr's eve is not a bad thing, cos i can break away from the crowd and sleep early at the comfort of my own home. yet, some part of me is wishing that i was somewhere else. somewhere with my dear.. but it's not possible. "merry, merry x'mas, lonely, lonely x'mas ..." new yr's eve is jus like my this yr's x'mas eve. just when EVERYONE assumes that u're out with ur bf, i feel so discredited.. cos im NOT.
| posted by clouds at 11:42 PM
