Friday, November 07, 2003
Somehow i feel that i've lost touch with the world. u know how it feels to be without a friend to hang out with? u understand how desperately u are clinging on to the hope of getting urself a companion to no avail? well, i've thoroughly experienced in this, time and again, i'd get this feeling... yes, everytime during exams... when u know u should be like everyone else, all cooped up at home or going to sch everyday and make the library ur 2nd home, but u just can't make it happen? this internal struggle within me... it's going on and on and will peak next wk... yes, when it's time to go on according to ur schedule-- the one i stare at everyday in front of me when i sit at my desk-- i just seem to lag behind more and more as days go by...
yes, so i end up doing silly things? like hitching a ride from a "complete" stranger? (can't say he's a stranger, but i really dunno a lot abt him yet loh...) and i must make sure i do not appear too imposing or seem too interested in him, cos i'm not... *evil snigger* yeah u're hearing it from the pure white cloud? hmm... maybe i've changed, maybe i'm struggling to keep myself from falling into the whirlpool of darkness, trying too hard and now, i'm just free falling into it with tremendous speed.... i must save myself, i must pull myself up. but how?
wild thought #1: u know wat? in order to occupy my mind, i came up with the stupid idea of thinking abt someone and make him my crush... so that at least i can study with that bit of distraction... u know, like two sems ago? with bc on my mind? argh!! stupid me rite? now i simply can't think abt bc in the romantic sense, so i must source for a new target... well, well, silly thoughts for a silly person like me... so, u might ask, who's the one i chose to think of? haven't made a decision yet, ha ha... no lah, it's too stupid to even tell u this... ha ha... sorry ah, my wild thoughts floating around me head now, making me dizzy... and leading to a slow death, death in my grades....
wild thought # 2: i have a sudden craving for the matrix revolutions... yup, the end of the trilogy... yup, blame it on my friend who has been going on and on abt how cool it was to watch it at the imax theatre... so in the end, i have to choose between watching it tonite at marina with the cblc ppl or some other day with someone else... today really dun feel like going out so late... didn't i say i wanna turn over a new leaf? ha ha... no lah, just dun think i'll fit in the gang anymore... sad rite? anyway, so i chose the 2nd option which is watching with someone else... and u might ask who's the poor thing who kenna pestered by me? no prize for those who got it rite... it's ken, my long time no see fren in army... ha ha... really miss him a bit, so i asked him... (nah, he's not in my wild thought #1 ie, he's not one of the potential targets anymore... but well, suddenly, i feel like we can be just frens! and ONLY frens :) no, i haven't forgotten how he showed concern. no, i haven't forgotten how much i feel for him. but i guess i've faced up to reality that it's really quite impossible for something to happen... yeah, rem my theory (since when did it become my theory?) that "if nothing have happened within 3 wks, then nothing will ever happen".
wild thought #3: thinking of streaking my hair into wild colors... u know the type of highlights with more than 1 colour? and thinking of piercing more holes in my ears-- the upper part of my ears-- but it's really quite painful... thinking the above 2 will drive my mum crazy, so i think it's just not gonna be done... ha ha... yah i know how crazy i've become, and i hate myself for harbouring such crazy thoughts... yucks!
wild thought #4: not too wild, but i really wish i could go donate blood... i dun think i'm scared of the pain, or the needles, but i just needed someone to accompany me lah... anyway, i have another crazy thought regarding blood donation... u know, when u're wt is less than 45 kg, u can't donated blood? well, my weight is still a bit over it leh, so maybe i shall lose a bit more wt then can proudly declare i'm under wt for blood donation? haha...
alrite, enough of my wild thoughts... back to hit the books... or back to try hit my books?
| posted by clouds at 5:15 PM
