Tuesday, November 07, 2006
today i made a trip back to my contract school. even though i went back with a motive, to conduct an interview with some of the teachers, i didn't feel really reluctant to do so.
on the bus to school, i met some of the students i used to conduct remedial with. even though i don't usually talk much with them, i find that i enjoyed talking to them and listening to their silly talks on the way to school.
msged one of my students to tell her that i'll be going back. but was quite sad that i did not say a proper goodbye to them. the girls ran back to school when they heard that i'll be there. but sometimes, i feel that i might not bear to leave them if i see them for too long today.. haha.. quite silly.. but i felt touched when they asked me when i will be back. they told me they did as promised and stayed as a class to get promoted to sec 2. when will i be back? this is a question they keep asking me. i also ask myself this sometimes. the prospect of being able to go back just like old time is so tempting. but i do want to expose myself to other schools as well. if not, i might just get stuck in the same school all my life, not knowing what it is like. maybe the outside world will be better, maybe worse?
felt quite touched when the teachers seem happy that i'm back for a visit. life has moved on for some of them, some of them leaving, some of them promoted. happy and sad for those leaving. the next time if i get posted to the school, maybe some more teachers will be leaving too?
it felt like the old times, when i went for lunch with a couple of colleagues.. gossiping about school n students. how i miss it..
on my way home, i thought about this. it made me realise how lonely and unhappy i am now, when i am in nie. u know, i'm someone who takes sometime to warm up with ppl. so somehow, i felt that i can never have frens like i have during my contract school. frens who are supportive, fun and you know who to turn to when you are in need. frens who make u feel that doing all these is all worthwhile. not just ideals, not just marvellous lesson plans. but how to face the problems and at the end of the day forget about the problems which turn out to be so minor after awhile. frens who will feel hungry even before u do and volunteer to have lunch with u. frens who listen to me and wants me to listen. i never had kind of frens in nie since i stepped in. everyday in school makes me feel really lonely, really isolated. makes me feel like hiding from.
that's why, visiting my old school is not so bad.. at least i feel appreciated.
also, thanks to my newfound-old- classmates for making life in nie more bearable thru the forum. at least there's an outlet for me to escape.
thanks to my dear, who listens relentlessly to my complains and my whining.. i couldn't have controlled my anguish without u. and i look forward to share the same vision for the future with u.
| posted by clouds at 11:04 PM
