Wednesday, June 23, 2004
sorry for the recent absence... been feeling rather down when i'm at home, when i'm on my way to the hospital to visit my granny...
my only granny left, she's down with pancreas cancer (not sure whether this is the term, but it's definitely deadly). last wk, everything was still quite optimistic. altho they have found a tumour in her pancreas, which obstructs the path between the liver and the gall bladder and in the doudonum as well. the tumour is said to be able to removed once the doctor returns and does the surgery. however, things changed when they operated on her...
they found the tumour being wrappped up by major blood vessels, so they are unable to remove the tumour. instead of removing the tumour, they did a minor operation to ease the flow between the liver and the gall bladder and the doudonum area by inserting bypass tubes.
well...
so now they term the tumour as cancer... i hate that word... it means inevitable death. i can't believe we can do nothing but slowly watch her fade away from us. think of all the pain she has to go thru... she haven't even enjoyed her later yrs, with so much to worry abt, having to take care of her playful grandson, while surviving a heart attack a few yrs ago...
well, some say it's fated. but i can't believe i'm going to lose my granny soon, it's not even 1 yr since my grandpa's death... granny also plays an impt role in my growing up yrs...
i used to stayover at granny's hse from 1-3 yrs old... granny took care of me from young. buys my fav chicken rice for me (mind u, i eat the hainanese chicken rice chicken skin + rice only, no meat), brings me to the market, and takes the trishaw back, brings me or with the rest of my cousins to the NTUC to buy stuff... i used to admire her wonderful memory... she can recall how much that pack of kailan cost, or how much that big head of broccolli cost (this is no small feat, i tell u, cos it's not price-tagged, the things u buy from the wet market). she can recite all the price of the grocery, while i help her add it all up on a piece of paper... she knows how to cook up nice dishes like the dumplings, the hakka "suan3 pan2 zi3", the "soon kuehs", the hakka "niang dou fu"... and she is always innovating, finding new ways to cook the traditional dishes, trying new dishes with traditional ingredients...
i know my granny loves all her grandchildren, just like how my grandpa loves us... esp when i was young and stayover some wkends after i started going kindergarten..
well, sometimes it's kinda an escape, when i just wanna hang out with my frens for awhile, away from my mum... but i know now, mum needs us the most, and i'll try to give her support, while she visits granny in the hospital. just when i thot the nightmare is going to end with the removal of the tumour, another worse one has started... i dunno whether it shd end soon so that granny won't suffer from the pain.
haiz...
| posted by clouds at 11:35 PM
